"I met a boy who kept tattoos for homes that he had loved
If I was him I'd paint my body 'til all my skin was gone.
He wrote me a latter as we passed through Rockford
and said he won't forget.
Well, maybe I do, maybe I don't but I know I haven't yet...

....I never felt so lost, I never felt so much at home
please write my folks and throw away my keys.."

I honestly don't know what to do with this confused little mind of mine. I don't even know what to do with myself.
2009 has passed, December was long. The festive period at On Anon means shit loads of hours, a lot of pressure, but also, fun, joy and happiness.
Autumn was weird. A lot of people have been coming and going at work. I think we never have had this much new staff coming and then leaving the next month. Even a lot of my long time team mates have left; Adrian, Daniel, Nat, Ezgi, Martin, Manu. Since you spend so much time at work it's impossible not to get attached to the people you work with. Especially those with grand personalities. Sometimes they annoy you, but you never really realise you'll miss them 'til they're gone.
Work feels a bit colder now, I can't ignore it, it's a fact. Even London feels colder these days. I don't know why but the city ain't glowing the way it did one year ago. I miss Michelle, Jaimee, Josh, the crazy swedes from the bartender courses. I liked Tilda and Raj better when they were crazy! I miss getting drunk at the hostel and then going to b@1 or Roadie. I haven't been to b@1 for maybe 5 months. I used to love going there. Now I just don't have anyone to accompany me. That makes me feeling a little bit lonely and sad.

I went to Sweden to celebrate Christmas last year (2009). I had an amazing time. Just reuniting with old friends, sitting there drinking beer and chating 'bout them good old times was a bless. It made me really miss those times. Now I'm actually considering moving back in late February, in colleration with my knee operation.
But then what?? When I don't need the crutches anymore and have to start working again? When I get tired of the nostalgia and the nightlife in Halmstad? What will I do then? Will I even get tired of it? And if I don't, is that a failure? Will I be considered a loser if I don't miss the London life and actually settle for "less". But what is "less" then? Mind = confused!

You know the movie "Sweet home Alabama"?! When Melanie says "I'm happy in New York Jake. But then I come down here, and this fits too" That's how I feel about London/Sweden at the moment. In the movie Jake then replays with "Since when does it have to be one or the other? You can have roots and wings"

Maybe I should stay in Sweden 2-3 months, try to work a little bit and then pray to God I'll get accepted as a leader for STS language courses. That would be super awesoeme. I could have Sweden as a base for the summer but still be in England maybe 6 weeks. That would give me money, a nice mixed up summer I wouldn't get bored of and it would look good on my CV. It would also give me time to figure out what I want to do in the future.

This turned out to be a rather thoughtful "essay". Sometimes you need a bit of thoughtfulness though, for the peace of mind and soul.

/ Jen